He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Two words: nipple clamps
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