Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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