The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
