dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
