Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
