2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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