I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
