I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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