Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
