You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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