I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
