Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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