Princesses don't give blow jobs
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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