so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
