We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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