if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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