if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
