Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize