how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
