Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize