I think I won the penis lottery.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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