How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
