no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
