it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
