just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
