ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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