I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
