and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
