just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize