I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
