did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
