Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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