apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
