Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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