is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
