I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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