so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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