Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
