Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
