I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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