Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Of course I have a pirate flag
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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