we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
