i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
