I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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