Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
