Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
