I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
