mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
