We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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