Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
