I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
