i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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