you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
