please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
