Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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