Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
