I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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