she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
