super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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