Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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