how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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