I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
