So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
