I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
