everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
